Friday, February 28, 2014

Life Ramblings from a (soon-to-be) 30-Year-Old


So, I turn 30 in a month and against all odds, I’m pretty pumped about it. Really. No sarcasm. Sure, I have already received some not-so-stellar-yet-tell-tale signs that the good ol’ 3-0 is waiting for me with open arms – crows feet creeping in around my eyes, buying peanut butter that I have to keep refrigerated, a stiff neck nearly every morning when I wake up, catching myself muttering things like “kids these days…” and a serious dependency on coffee, just to name a few.

But, at the risk of sounding cheesy, this nice little round number has given me so much more than that; it’s given me 30 years of lessons learned. While many were painful and learned the hard way, the result has been pretty overwhelmingly beautiful. And since self-reflection is a skill I pride myself on and since turning 30 might mean I’m officially an adult with somewhat worthwhile things to say, here are a few life lessons from yours truly.

*Even though it comes across like I’ve mastered these things below and that I have my shit together, I haven’t and I don’t.

**I’m guessing the 40-year-old me will read this and want to somehow figure out a way to punch my 30-year-old self in the face. Dually noted.


1. Life (and money, really) is all about priorities and everyone’s priorities are different. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll be able to quit looking at what other people have and wonder (or even care) why they have it and how they got it. Quit judging your friends with “no money” who just bought a second big screen TV – that is their priority. Or your friends in their 30s who travel all the time but still live with their parents. Priorities, baby.

2. Everyone should own a dog (or a cat, if you’re into that.) But seriously, my dog makes me laugh at least once a day and she’s really not even that funny. And, you will never find a human being who will make you feel as awesome as your dog will every single time you walk in the door, whether you’ve been gone for five days or five minutes. Beyond that, a dog has the power to slowly turn a selfish twenty-something into someone who chooses to foot a $200 vet bill instead of buying new Frye boots without even thinking about it.


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3. Education is never a waste, even if you aren’t using your degree in your career. My husband has his law degree and isn’t practicing law. I have a Masters in Teaching and am no longer a teacher. As much as we make jokes about this and want to slap a “#FAIL” hashtag on our student loan payment stubs, we both know deep down that we use things we’ve learned from that schooling EVERY SINGLE DAY, and those degrees have opened doors we didn’t even know existed. The best part? We have both met some lifelong friends in the process, whom we like to call our “really expensive friends.”


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4. Quit saying, “I don’t have time to [fill in the blank with something you want to do],” and kindly rephrase: “I don’t make time to [fill in the blank with something you want to do].” Sometimes I go read a book at Starbucks all by myself and without fail one friend or another will say, “Oh, I wish I had time to do that!” Unless you’re the President of the United States, I’m pretty sure you have a spare half hour every once in a while. And if you can’t make time for it, it’s probably not that important to you anyway.

5. Keep the real intention of your Facebook/Instagram posts in check. Prime example: we scored some pretty awesome floor seats to the Zac Brown Band concert a few months ago and after taking some pictures on my phone, the moment of truth came as I had my Facebook app open… “This picture isn’t even that cool, so why am I posting it? Just so everyone sees my rad floor seats and comments how jealous they are?” Needless to say, I didn’t post it and neither should you. (NOTE: If you are going to post a picture on social media, please, for the love of God, double-tap your screen so it’s in focus. Braggy pictures are at least better than blurry pictures.)

6. You are who you hang out with. This is tricky because I think it’s just as important to be friends with people who are different from you as it is to be friends with those who are similar. But I’ve realized that you begin to think and act like the people you’re around the most, sometimes for the better and sometimes not. When I am around friends who are real and authentic, who swear a lot, who are successful, who party a lot, who are home-bodies, who work out a lot, who [fill in the blank], I subconsciously start to become those things too. Not only that, but people on the outside will start to lump you into the same category as the people you’re friends with, whether it’s accurate or not. 

7. The difference between people who do cool stuff and people who don’t isn’t the amount of money they have; it is simply having the balls to click the confirmation button…or punch a hole in your wall. A lot of people tell my husband and I “how cool it is that we are always doing something” and how they “wish they could do that someday,” whether it’s living abroad, skydiving, going on really cool trips, starting new businesses, or even remodeling a house. We figured this out a long time ago: click “Confirm” on the plane flights and it will force you to go, or knock a hole in your wall and you’ll have to tear down the wall and start your remodel. Just DO IT. The details and the money will sort themselves out later. They always do.


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8. Don’t feel guilty for quitting a job (or career) you don’t enjoy. Too many people hate their jobs and whether you realize it or not, hating your job seeps into every aspect of your life. People can try and make you feel guilty all day long, but at the end of the day, they aren’t the ones who have to get up in the morning and go to that job. You are.

9. But, with that said, there is no such thing as the perfect job. I’ve had a variety of jobs (including working from home), many of which people have said they envy, and trust me, no job is EVER as glamorous as it seems. I’m pretty convinced that anyone who says they love their job every single day is a liar. Or their life at home is pretty terrible. So quit believing in the fantasy of “the perfect job.” It doesn’t exist.

10. If you’re not strong enough to question your religion, your faith isn’t very strong to begin with. God can handle being questioned and I would venture to think He would encourage it. He gave us a brain for a reason, no? The times I’ve felt closest to God are when I’m going against the grain and making sense of the world in my own, unique way.

11. Travel while you’re young. This is by far the most common life advice I’ve received from people over the age of 50, and I’ve experienced firsthand why it is true. If I’m honest with myself, traveling is equally exhausting as it is amazing. Trekking through Europe is awesome right now because I have the energy, health, and strength to enjoy it. Even though I might have more money by the time I’m 65, I’m pretty sure my ideal vacation at that age will be laying on a beach somewhere and not moving. That is, if I even make it to age 65… Case and point: travel now.


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12. Get back to people (via text, email, or whatever) in a timely fashion. This includes friends, clients, your parents, and any other human being for that matter. I know it sounds like a seemingly unimportant thing, but I’ve been on both sides of this one and seriously, I don’t care how busy you are, how many kids you have, or whatever; a simple response takes 30 seconds (or less) and can make the difference of someone feeling valued vs. feeling completely insignificant. Small things like this end up defining the type of friend you are, the type of business you run, etc. (NOTE: This also applies to RSVPing for any event.)

13. Party in your 20s. Your real relationships will thank you later. Sounds weird, I know, but I have seen countless marriages fail because the husband or wife feels as if they’ve “missed out” (whether that’s on partying, being with other people, etc.) and wants to go back and experience it later, which results in complete destruction. Don’t be an idiot, but get it out of your system and attempt to marry someone who’s done the same thing.


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14. It’s okay, and healthy actually, to disagree with your parents about things you were raised to believe. Whether it’s politics, religion, or what type of toothpaste you use, you need to choose your own path and form your own beliefs. And they need to respect that.

15. Put a value on your time. I think this gets more important the older you get, yet we often don’t think this way. My husband literally puts a dollar amount on what an hour of his time is worth, which might be a bit extreme but he does have a point – is it worth it for me to spend five hours cleaning my house or hire a house cleaner to do it for $60? Or from a relationship standpoint, is it worth hanging out with so-and-so when I know she is not a long-term friend?

16. Drinking more than one bottle of wine by yourself is pretty much never a good idea, regardless of the situation. But, if you’re going to, make it white wine. (Feel free to read into that however you’d like.)

17. Don’t judge parents, especially if you don’t have kids. This might sound funny coming from someone who doesn’t have kids, but I catch myself doing this sometimes and I know that one day I’ll get mine when it’s my kid throwing a raging tantrum at Target while onlookers stare in horror. Like anything in life, I can wage a pretty good bet that most people (including parents) are just doing the best they can. Maybe you’ll do things differently, but chances are you will get your ass handed to you by a toddler at some point.

18. If someone says/does something that upsets you, either confront them or get over it... or go to counseling. I realize this is easier said than done, but life is full of hard conversations and I truly believe the people who are willing to have those hard conversations, however brutal they are, are the people who are the most fulfilled in their relationships. And if you can’t move forward, go talk to a professional to help you do so (NOTE: I’ve only gone to one counseling session so I need to take my own advice here, but I think everyone should see a counselor on a regular basis. We’ve all got our shit and the world would be a much better place if more of that was dealt with.)

19. It’s okay to buy impractical things if they make you happy and/or give you confidence. If getting a latte from Starbucks gets you through the day at a job you hate, go get one (and see #8.) If that $15 lipstick gives you the confidence you need for a first date, buy it. I recently convinced my husband that some clothes I bought were actually an investment. It went something like, “Babe, when I work from home and am wearing pajamas, I am totally unproductive. But when I put on actual, cute clothes I get so much more done, which equates to making us more money.” BOOM! (But seriously, there is some truth to that…)


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20. Love. Period. Maybe I subconsciously saved this one for last because it blows the rest of these things I’ve learned out of the water. Over the last 30 years I have witnessed “love” in many forms and realize that everyone defines it differently and lives their life according to that definition. Whether you’re religious or not I think we all share an innate sense to love other people, but ironically it seems religion is often the culprit of destroying the next part, where we’re actually supposed to do it. (Love your neighbor, unless they’re… Love your friends, but… Love your spouse, unless…) This concept of love always seems to have a stipulation, which just doesn’t work for me.

A good friend of ours, Ryan Miller, who also happens to be the pastor at our church, wrote a book called Everything Breathes that I read a few months ago. (It was rad; you should read it.) I’m not a big quote person, but this one just fits and really wraps up this thought much better than I can:

“Maybe it’s time we stop trying to know more, stop trying to know the God who can’t be known, and start loving in order to see and experience the God who is love. Period. No commas, no ifs, no buts, no dots, just love. Period.”

So there you have it, my definition of love: Love. Period.


*****

I initially was going to write 30 things that I’ve learned, be it that I’m turning 30 and all, but I got to twenty and that felt like enough. Besides, I was starting to get bored of hearing myself sound all wise, like I really know what I’m talking about. 30 or not, I still feel like a kid most of the time, still trying to figure out what the hell I want to do when I grow up.

Maybe I’ll figure that out when I’m 40. 


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