So, I
turn 30 in a month and against all odds, I’m pretty pumped about it. Really. No
sarcasm. Sure, I have already received some not-so-stellar-yet-tell-tale signs
that the good ol’ 3-0 is waiting for me with open arms – crows feet creeping in
around my eyes, buying peanut butter that I have to keep refrigerated, a stiff neck nearly every morning when I wake up, catching
myself muttering things like “kids these days…” and a serious dependency on
coffee, just to name a few.
But, at
the risk of sounding cheesy, this nice little round number has given me so much
more than that; it’s given me 30 years of lessons learned. While many were
painful and learned the hard way, the result has been pretty overwhelmingly
beautiful. And since self-reflection is a skill I pride myself on and since
turning 30 might mean I’m officially an adult with somewhat worthwhile things
to say, here are a few life lessons from yours truly.
*Even
though it comes across like I’ve mastered these things below and that I have my
shit together, I haven’t and I don’t.
**I’m
guessing the 40-year-old me will read this and want to somehow figure out a way
to punch my 30-year-old self in the face. Dually noted.
1. Life
(and money, really) is all about priorities and everyone’s priorities are different. The sooner you realize that, the
sooner you’ll be able to quit looking at what other people have and wonder (or
even care) why they have it and how they got it. Quit judging your friends with
“no money” who just bought a second big screen TV – that is their priority. Or
your friends in their 30s who travel all the time but still live with their
parents. Priorities, baby.
2. Everyone
should own a dog (or a cat, if you’re into that.) But seriously, my dog makes me
laugh at least once a day and she’s really not even that funny. And, you will
never find a human being who will make you feel as awesome as your dog will
every single time you walk in the door, whether you’ve been gone for five days
or five minutes. Beyond that, a dog has the power to slowly turn a selfish
twenty-something into someone who chooses to foot a $200 vet bill instead of
buying new Frye boots without even thinking about it.
3. Education
is never a waste, even if you aren’t using your degree in your career. My husband has his law degree and
isn’t practicing law. I have a Masters in Teaching and am no longer a teacher. As
much as we make jokes about this and want to slap a “#FAIL” hashtag on our
student loan payment stubs, we both know deep down that we use things we’ve
learned from that schooling EVERY SINGLE DAY, and those degrees have opened
doors we didn’t even know existed. The best part? We have both met some
lifelong friends in the process, whom we like to call our “really expensive
friends.”
4. Quit
saying, “I don’t have time to [fill in the blank with something you want to
do],” and kindly rephrase: “I don’t make time to [fill in the blank
with something you want to do].” Sometimes I go read a book at Starbucks all by myself and
without fail one friend or another will say, “Oh, I wish I had time to do
that!” Unless you’re the President of the United States, I’m pretty sure you
have a spare half hour every once in a while. And if you can’t make time for
it, it’s probably not that important to you anyway.
5. Keep
the real intention of your Facebook/Instagram posts in check. Prime example: we scored some
pretty awesome floor seats to the Zac Brown Band concert a few months ago and
after taking some pictures on my phone, the moment of truth came as I had my
Facebook app open… “This picture isn’t even that cool, so why am I posting it?
Just so everyone sees my rad floor seats and comments how jealous they are?”
Needless to say, I didn’t post it and neither should you. (NOTE: If you are going to post a picture on social
media, please, for the love of God, double-tap your screen so it’s in focus.
Braggy pictures are at least better than blurry pictures.)
6. You
are who you hang out with. This is tricky because I think it’s just as important to be friends
with people who are different from you as it is to be friends with those who
are similar. But I’ve realized that you begin to think and act like the people
you’re around the most, sometimes for the better and sometimes not. When I am
around friends who are real and authentic, who swear a lot, who are successful,
who party a lot, who are home-bodies, who work out a lot, who [fill in the
blank], I subconsciously start to become those things too. Not only that, but
people on the outside will start to lump you into the same category as the
people you’re friends with, whether it’s accurate or not.
7. The
difference between people who do cool stuff and people who don’t isn’t the
amount of money they have; it is simply having the balls to click the
confirmation button…or punch a hole in your wall. A lot of people tell my husband
and I “how cool it is that we are always doing something” and how they “wish
they could do that someday,” whether it’s living abroad, skydiving, going on
really cool trips, starting new businesses, or even remodeling a house. We figured
this out a long time ago: click “Confirm” on the plane flights and it will
force you to go, or knock a hole in your wall and you’ll have to tear down the
wall and start your remodel. Just DO IT. The details and the money will sort themselves
out later. They always do.
8. Don’t
feel guilty for quitting a job (or career) you don’t enjoy. Too many people hate their jobs
and whether you realize it or not, hating your job seeps into every aspect of
your life. People can try and make you feel guilty all day long, but at the end
of the day, they aren’t the ones who have to get up in the morning and go to
that job. You are.
9. But,
with that said, there is no such thing as the perfect job. I’ve had a variety of jobs
(including working from home), many of which people have said they envy, and
trust me, no job is EVER as glamorous as it seems. I’m pretty convinced that
anyone who says they love their job every single day is a liar. Or their life
at home is pretty terrible. So quit believing in the fantasy of “the perfect
job.” It doesn’t exist.
10. If
you’re not strong enough to question your religion, your faith isn’t very
strong to begin with.
God can handle being questioned and I would venture to think He would encourage
it. He gave us a brain for a reason, no? The times I’ve felt closest to God are
when I’m going against the grain and making sense of the world in my own,
unique way.
11. Travel
while you’re young.
This is by far the most common life advice I’ve received from people over the
age of 50, and I’ve experienced firsthand why it is true. If I’m honest with
myself, traveling is equally exhausting as it is amazing. Trekking through
Europe is awesome right now because I have the energy, health, and strength to enjoy
it. Even though I might have more money by the time I’m 65, I’m pretty sure my
ideal vacation at that age will be laying on a beach somewhere and not moving.
That is, if I even make it to age 65… Case and point: travel now.
12. Get
back to people (via text, email, or whatever) in a timely fashion. This includes friends, clients,
your parents, and any other human being for that matter. I know it sounds like
a seemingly unimportant thing, but I’ve been on both sides of this one and
seriously, I don’t care how busy you are, how many kids you have, or whatever;
a simple response takes 30 seconds (or less) and can make the difference of
someone feeling valued vs. feeling completely insignificant. Small things like
this end up defining the type of friend you are, the type of business you run,
etc. (NOTE: This also applies to RSVPing for any event.)
13. Party
in your 20s. Your real relationships will thank you later. Sounds weird, I know, but I have
seen countless marriages fail because the husband or wife feels as if they’ve
“missed out” (whether that’s on partying, being with other people, etc.) and
wants to go back and experience it later, which results in complete
destruction. Don’t be an idiot, but get it out of your system and attempt to
marry someone who’s done the same thing.
14. It’s
okay, and healthy actually, to disagree with your parents about things you were
raised to believe.
Whether it’s politics, religion, or what type of toothpaste you use, you need
to choose your own path and form your own beliefs. And they need to respect
that.
15. Put
a value on your time.
I think this gets more important the older you get, yet we often don’t think
this way. My husband literally puts a dollar amount on what an hour of his time
is worth, which might be a bit extreme but he does have a point – is it worth
it for me to spend five hours cleaning my house or hire a house cleaner to do
it for $60? Or from a relationship standpoint, is it worth hanging out with
so-and-so when I know she is not a long-term friend?
16. Drinking
more than one bottle of wine by yourself is pretty much never a good idea,
regardless of the situation. But, if you’re going to, make it white wine. (Feel free
to read into that however you’d like.)
17. Don’t
judge parents, especially if you don’t have kids. This might sound funny coming
from someone who doesn’t have kids, but I catch myself doing this sometimes and
I know that one day I’ll get mine when it’s my kid throwing a raging tantrum at
Target while onlookers stare in horror. Like anything in life, I can wage a
pretty good bet that most people (including parents) are just doing the best
they can. Maybe you’ll do things differently, but chances are you will get your
ass handed to you by a toddler at some point.
18. If
someone says/does something that upsets you, either confront them or get over
it... or go to counseling. I realize this is easier said than done, but life is full of hard
conversations and I truly believe the people who are willing to have those hard
conversations, however brutal they are, are the people who are the most
fulfilled in their relationships. And if you can’t move forward, go talk to a professional to
help you do so (NOTE: I’ve only gone to one counseling session so I need to
take my own advice here, but I think everyone should see a counselor on a
regular basis. We’ve all got our shit and the world would be a much better
place if more of that was dealt with.)
19. It’s
okay to buy impractical things if they make you happy and/or give you
confidence. If
getting a latte from Starbucks gets you through the day at a job you hate, go
get one (and see #8.) If that $15 lipstick gives you the confidence you need
for a first date, buy it. I recently convinced my husband that some clothes I
bought were actually an investment. It went something like, “Babe, when I work
from home and am wearing pajamas, I am totally unproductive. But when I put on
actual, cute clothes I get so much more done, which equates to making us more
money.” BOOM! (But seriously, there is some truth to that…)
20. Love.
Period. Maybe I
subconsciously saved this one for last because it blows the rest of these
things I’ve learned out of the water. Over the last 30 years I have witnessed
“love” in many forms and realize that everyone defines it differently and lives
their life according to that definition. Whether you’re religious or not I
think we all share an innate sense to love other people, but ironically it
seems religion is often the culprit of destroying the next part, where we’re
actually supposed to do it. (Love your neighbor, unless they’re… Love your friends, but… Love
your spouse, unless…) This concept of love always seems to have a stipulation,
which just doesn’t work for me.
A good
friend of ours, Ryan Miller, who also happens to be the pastor at our church,
wrote a book called Everything Breathes that I read a few months ago. (It was rad; you
should read it.) I’m not a big quote person, but this one just fits and really
wraps up this thought much better than I can:
“Maybe
it’s time we stop trying to know more, stop trying to know the God who can’t be known, and
start loving in order to see and experience the God who is love. Period. No
commas, no ifs, no buts, no dots, just love. Period.”
So there
you have it, my definition of love: Love. Period.
*****
I
initially was going to write 30 things that I’ve learned, be it that I’m
turning 30 and all, but I got to twenty and that felt like enough. Besides, I
was starting to get bored of hearing myself sound all wise, like I really know
what I’m talking about. 30 or not, I still feel like a kid most of the time,
still trying to figure out what the hell I want to do when I grow up.
Maybe
I’ll figure that out when I’m 40.
